OPINIONS

The Inward Parts - To Thine Own Self be True...

by spirit

The Inward Parts

Sometimes, I believe some people forget that this lifestyle we love so much is about fulfilling fantasies. It’s not all about the pain (sensual pain) only- perhaps for competing masochists it is, but for many it is not. And if that is not a major factor in your fantasy it doesn’t have to be a major factor in your D/s.

S/M takes the forefront mostly because it is the most outward physical evidence available to the on looker. It is the part of the power exchange that is the most visible. But no where is it written in stone that it is all there is to BDSM. It is only one of many portions in the smorgasbord we call the lifestyle. My mentor referred to it as Baskin Robbin’s 31 flavors ranging from plain to extreme or from mild to wild.

So many times I have come across submissives that admit they were or are not really into the physical pain and then they hook-up with a sadist and then everything suddenly becomes all about the pain. Sometimes a submissive may not know they like it until they are introduced to it and then a whole new world of fantasies come flooding forward, but don’t preach it like it has always been that way when it hasn’t. We grow, we mature. We expand our horizons and our limits...that is one of the beauties of the lifestyle. Share your experiences in your transformation, you never know who else maybe going through the same thing.

For some, pain is only for correction and for other’s physical pain is for fun and excitement. There is nothing wrong with being from either side of the coin. There is nothing wrong with striving to be somewhere in the middle. When it does become wrong is when you fake the funk. When you try to be something that you are not. When you force yourself to deal or tolerate certain things because you like someone or the attention - be careful what you aim for cause this could also be very dangerous not only to the body but also to the mind.

There are proven studies that say something to the point of and I am only paraphrasing here, but it states that certain behavior patterns are learned while others are a natural part of a person’s makeup. Using the philosophy of some specialists in behaviorism and their theory on conditioning; the Operant conditioning for example… let’s take a child-we will call her Emma-and from the time Emma learned to walk the only attention she would receive from a male figure in her life or any gender for that matter that was good and pleasing came either before or after some kind of sexual act. Emma associated the correlation of acceptance, love, and kindness with the sex. So as Emma grew, this programming or conditioning would compel her to have some from of sexual interaction even with strangers who expressed the least bit of kindness towards her and may perhaps learn ways to manipulate through sex to acquire any additional things desired.

I am not sure how many of you will remember that movie starring Cecily Tyson and Richard Pryor when she had a bus load of dysfunctional children that she wanted to transport to a private house that she owned where the children could get the extra care she knew they needed from her and she got Richard Pryor to help her in this endeavor. If I remember correctly it was called "Busting Loose." There was an Asian girl among the children and she is a perfect example for the point I am trying to get across. The character played by Richard was good to her. He told her she was pretty and he loved her drawings. She felt because he was so kind to her that she had to reciprocate his kindness with sex. This had been her programming/conditioning from her earliest recollections. Richard Pryor’s character had to explain to her that this wasn’t the way it was suppose to be. His reaction totally confused her. It was not what she had become accustom too; but you see, this was all she knew because it was all she ever got. You see the reason I am bringing this up is so that you will understand what I am trying to say to you. You can get caught up in a habit of pressing yourself to accept something that you really do not like from your inner core just for the time and attention that you receive. The next thing you know you could end up bartering yourself, your body as a canvas to sadistic Dominants in exchange for a little bit of attention. I don’t see this as building a person up but more like tearing a person down. I am not saying this will happen to everyone. Some are stronger than others but for those who are not so strong, please be careful of what you aim for. The lifestyle was never intended to destroy, divide, or conquer. It was founded on building, and enhancing.

Let me ask you something. When you pull the play portion out of the lifestyle what do you have left that brings character to your everyday existence? We all do not walk around wearing our D/s on the outside but the strength and the quality of the character that it builds on the inside of a person should be clearly evident by whomever we encounter. We should be walking around more whole and complete than our vanilla counterparts because we live out our fantasies while they struggle to keep theirs hid.

If you take the D/s out of servitude-just another example-the character of that submissive is that desire to serve. It’s not something that you have to put in her/him. S/he is a servant from the heart. The Dominant’s role attaches it self to the submissive’s acknowledgment that s/he has a want, a need and or a desire to serve in an atmosphere that is safe and is conducive to her/his personal growth. In essence, I can serve you but the satisfaction is not in the service but in the essence that I have served you to the best of my ability and that you are pleased.

The gratuity may not come from the dominant but from the submissive’s heart. S/he can smile and be at peace for a job well done. This quality of the lifestyle in its integrity seems to be lost in the glorified mission of the power exchange. For so long corners have been cut, protocols have been compromised and the voice of the lifestyle has lost its purity under the opinion of so called Dominants. The power exchange was designed to bring the Dominant to the quality of his dominance and the submissive to the quality of her/his submission.

We forget, as I said before that it is also about the fulfillment of fantasies. The freedom to release parts of ourselves that the straight folk call taboos, but in ways that are safe and consensual. Though there are some scientific elements in the scene aspects of SM, BDSM is an art. When one looks at art the interpretation of what one sees relates directly with what is on the inside of the person, thus beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One may persuade another to see things as they do but the true design is an independent thing. Still pure such as the origin of the lifestyle. So yes, each will create their own way through their individual interpretation of the lifestyle but be sure what you create is conducive to each partner an enhancement of self that reflects the betterment of each party individually not only collectively.

I have been told lately that my writings are somewhat controversial. I knew when I shared my last piece where I expressed therein that the Dominant is not the property but the owner that I would be shaking the mind set of many out there, especially those using the lifestyle just as a means to get a man or a woman. I never said that it was impossible to obtain a Dominant who would want to be viewed as the missing link of a loving coupling. I never said that the Dominant couldn’t or wouldn’t be, but I did say; however, that it is the Dominant’s choice. When I write I have never used absolutes. I try to come from all perspectives as much as possible just to enlighten the unaware of a few things. I’ve heard as well that because of my number of years active in the lifestyle that I am no authority. I have never indicated that I was nor have I ever claimed to be. I will be the first to confess that I do not know everything, but I do know that I have rights. I do know that I have choices and the only thing I do know that I preach with conviction is that you should know yourself.

My message has always been to seek truth in the inward parts...you have to know who you are before you can even begin to offer yourself to someone else and that someone else has to learn who you are before they can receive you. My aim is to deliver the truth through the path way of education using such venues such as the internet in my hope the message will carry across all positions because knowledge is power and those that aim to harm can be clearly detected and removed from those who truly want to embrace the life in it truest design....I seek to embrace nothing to myself. Nor hide behind vain glory, nor do I have hidden agendas. Just one simple message and that message is one of truth. Know what you are getting into before you get into it. An educated submissive is an empowered submissive and an empowered submissive will carry the message of truth and it will eventually feed itself onward to the next generation. Let good be told of my lifestyle, not the horror and heartache. But that all find what they seek for they know the inward parts.

Now, back to the subject. When I listed above that I know that I have rights and that I know that I have choices, I also know that I have a responsibility. I am responsible first for my own safety and secondly, I am responsible to ensure that I get everything I seek from this lifestyle. I know to some the statement that I am responsible for getting what I want from this lifestyle may not seem submissive by others view point. Maybe a little selfish and self centered...Well, I have said it before and I will state it again...you cannot dictate your partner’s D/s–your Dominant’s D/s. But here I will state that no one can dictate your kink. So if part of your kink and your fantasy include the protocol, the formalities you have read about, been taught, or seen on tv or in the movies...you want to bow. You want to curtsey. You want to talk in the third person. You want to crawl on all fours while being lead by a leash and eat out of doggie dishes by your master’s feet. You want all these things and more because it is a part of your fantasy then you have it that way. You decide what kind of submissive you want to be. You decide what your kink or kinks are and then you aim for that. Don’t short change yourself.

And let me tell you something else! You walk up to a Dominant these days in a lifestyle setting and you bow and curtsey and that Dominant tells you don’t do that. SHAME!!! On Him/Her cause they have forgotten this lifestyle is about fulfilling fantasies! And if S/he doesn’t have the time or desire to feed your kink - your fantasies; you can almost be guaranteed you are not going to get what you want out of a relationship with that person so don’t waste your time.... This lifestyle IS for the mutual happiness of BOTH partners.

Side bar:
I was asked how could I attempt to shame an entire community who may not cater in such a way. My response is this. If I hang with the Romans I would thus desire what the Romans have to offer. In other words, there would be no issue.

Yes, people forget that this lifestyle is about fulfilling fantasies and everybody’s fantasy/kink is not the same. And more than likely your fantasy/kink will not stay the same. We grow, we mature...We expand our horizons and our limits...that is the beauty of the lifestyle.

Many blessings
spirit

David M.Column.